you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
