I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
