what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize