xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
