I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
my poor anus
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
