Where is the hickey?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My penis needs a shock collar
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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