Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
