I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize