She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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