why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
