dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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