I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
