right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
