Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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