Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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