Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
