if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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