I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
