those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
