There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
