Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I had to cum in my sink.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
