I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
