alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
