She is in my trunk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
