The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
