just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
