i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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