It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
