she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
