Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
