dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
