so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
