i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
