so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
