If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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