I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dear god my vagina.
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