plz talk dirty to me
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
