You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
