I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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