butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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