I wish I could teleport
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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