the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
