Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
