I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is the high leading the old right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
