dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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