and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
