Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
