I'm laying in your front yard are you home
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
