Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
