I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
