Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
