The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
