ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
