Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
