You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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