I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
