We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
