You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
