I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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