so let's talk penis.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
