Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize