he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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