i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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