I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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