Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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