I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
