you guys were way drunker than both of me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
