She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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