my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
