Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
