do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
